Taking a walk, Ma ma go with the wind
关于妈妈的这件作品的上传我一直有些回避。直到网页已经搭建完了一年多，我才开始整理这件作品。 * 文本也是作品的一部分
I’ve been putting off uploading this piece about my mom for a while. It wasn’t until more than a year after the website was completed that I finally got around to organizing and uploading it properly. There’s a lot of text, and it’s actually part of the piece itself.
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此项目是有关艺术家个人经验的一件作品。
艺术家本人在迈入成年的几个月后便经历母亲因肺癌去世的打击，失去至亲自此在她的成长里烙下无法泯灭的痕迹。从悲痛的困境里走出后，她开始梳理妈妈留下的物件，希望通过整理还原母亲的人生，并关注癌症群体及同样失亲家庭的心理创伤，抛出问题：在看似 向前的日常里隐藏着的悲痛下，如何重建生活？这次的项目计划，我带上十八件她留下的衣服，从小时候的家一直步行到她 现在长眠的地方。在行走的过程里，将她的衣服一件件的穿在身上。在不断变换的路程里，穿着她喜欢的衣服，我们一起散散步。此作品持续三天，开始于二零二四年四月二日至四月四日结束，起点为成都市天祥街，终点为孝子山陵园，总路程75公里每日步行约二十多公里，实际步行六十八点四公里。
This project is a work about the artist‘s personal experiences. The artist herselfexperienced the death o f her mother due t o lung cancer a few months after sheentered adulthood, and the loss o f her loved ones left an indelible mark on her growth.After recovering from her grief, she began combing through the objects left behind b yher m other, hoping t o restore her mother‘s life through organizing them, andfocusing on the psychological trauma of the cancer community and similarly bereavedfamilies.This work lasts for three days, starting from April 2 to April 4, 24, starting a t Tian xiangStreet, Chengdu and ending a t Xiaozi ’ shan Mausoleum, with a total distance o f 75kilometers, about 20 kilometers o f walking per day, and 68.4 kilometers o f actualwalking.
我⾝上有两个纹⾝是关于她的。⼀个在左⼿臂，是在她病痛晚期时纹的。⼀个在锁⾻上，是在她离世⼀周后纹的。
I have two tattoos on my body of her. One on my left arm, which was tattooed when she was in the late stages of her illness. One on my collarbone, tattooed a week after she passed away
如何去描述你？去描述你存在过的痕迹？我的妈妈张华，生于1973年逝于2018年。
在我成年四个月后你去世了。几年后，我终于有勇气直面你已因肺癌去世这件事实。 当我想起你的时候，都是你痛苦难受的画面。这些记忆太深刻，我想要回忆起你生病前的 样子，生活里健康的样子。你的声音、日常习惯; 你说话的语气、你走路的姿势...是怎么样的？我们逛街、散步，你不愿意给我买你认为不好看的衣服我们就会争吵; 你数学很好，毕业后你就去了国企成为一名会计，并在那里收获你的爱情;你酒量很差，我酒量也很差，你声音有些沙哑，我也是; 我们身高一样。我偷穿你的衣服出去，被发现后你很生气... 后来我明白，衣服就代表着你的一部分自我。过去你创造了我，现在我延续着你。
You died four months after I became an adult.A few years later, I finally had the courage to face the fact that you had passed away from lung cancer. When I think of you, it's images of you in pain and suffering. These memories are so profound that I want to recall what you were like before you got sick, what it was like to be healthy in life. Your voice, your daily habits; the tone of your voice, the way you walked... What was it like? We shopped, we walked, we argued when you wouldn't buy me clothes you didn't think looked good; you were good at math, after graduation you went to a state-owned enterprise to become an accountant and harvested your love there; you were a poor drinker, I was a poor drinker, your voice was a bit hoarse, so was mine; we were the same height. I stole your clothes to go out and you were angry when I was caught... Now I realize that clothes represent a part of your self. In the past you created me, now I continue you.
在妈妈离开⼈世的前⼀个⽉，她逐渐从能说话到只能说⼏个词，能吃东西到只能吃流⾷; 再到⽆法进⾷、⽆法排泄，⽆法躺着⼊睡只能坐着，⽆法说话只通过写字和我们沟通。 她失去了睡眠、咀嚼、吞咽、失去了吃饭的能⼒、失去了说话、失去了⾏⾛、失去了排 泄... 癌症⼀步步的让我妈妈失去了⼀切的权利，失去了⾝体，失去了⽣命。 我⽆法拥抱她、⽆法代替她，我只能陪在她⾝边，眼睁睁的看着她的消逝，看着她奄奄⼀息却⽆法抵抗。她的⾝体被侵占和剥夺。我不⽌⼀次的希望能够替她承受，可那些疼痛⽆法转移，癌细胞在她的⾝体⾥扩散，不会停⽌，侵蚀着她的⾝体，架空她的灵魂。我替妈妈擦拭粪便、换尿盆，打理她的⾝体，但我从不敢在她⾯前落泪。某⼀晚我陪着她，看着她艰难地尝试⼊睡，并伴随咳嗽。在即将⼊梦时⼀阵剧烈的咳嗽让我惊醒: 她的⿐⾎喷溅⽽出，她强烈的⼀遍遍喊 “救我，救我” ... 在⼀切尘埃落定后，我收好了这⼏张纸。通过她的字迹，痛苦具像化的展开在我眼前，触⽬惊⼼。⽆法想象，她有多痛。
A month before my mom left this world, she gradually went from being able to talk to onlybeing able to say a few words, to being able to eat to only being able to eat fluids; to notbeing able to eat, not being able to defecate, not being able to lie down to sleep but onlybeing able to sit down, not being able to talk but only being able to communicate with usthrough writing. She lost her ability to sleep, to chew, to swallow, to eat, to speak, to walk, toexcrete... Step by step, the cancer took away all my mom's rights, her body, her life. I couldn'thold her, I couldn't replace her, I could only be by her side, watching her fade away, watchingher dying but unable to resist.Her body was appropriated and stripped. More than once I wished I could bear it for her, butthe pain couldn't be transferred, and the cancer spread through her body and wouldn't stop,eating away at her body and emptying her soul.I mopped up my mom's feces, changed her diaper pans, and tended to her body, but I neverdared shed a tear in front of her.One night I stayed with her and watched her struggle to try to fall asleep with a coughing fit.A violent cough as she was about to fall asleep woke me up: her nose was sputtering withblood, and she was screaming intensely over and over again “help me, help me” ...After the dust had settled, I put away the sheets of paper. The pain figuratively unfoldedbefore my eyes through her handwriting, and it was shocking. It was impossible to imaginehow much pain she was in.
—她的字迹 Her’s handwriting
“吞咽困难、不能躺下睡觉、⼩腿肿胀、呕吐、晚上两点后⽆法⼊睡并有⼼慌、咳痰的症状。呼吸急促、短、吸⽓⽤⼒。” “想吃⽔果又不能吃，不注意就要吐。每天周⽽复始，累。我觉得我已受不了了。我怎么办嘛，我要死了。”
"Difficulty in swallowing, inability to lie down to sleep, swelling of calves, vomiting, inability to sleep after 2:00 p.m. with panic attacks, coughing up phlegm. Breathing rapid,short, hard inhalation." "Want to eat fruit and can't, have to vomit if I don't pay attention. Tired every day week after week. I don't think I can take it anymore. What am Igoing to do, I'm dying.
“我回我们家，去医院，喉部有痰不舒服，稍不注意就咳。要⽼妈（我的外婆）来，喊魏刚回来。屁股坐痛了...问问呼吸科”
“I wanna go back to our home, go to the hospital, phlegm in the throat uncomfortable, a little attention to cough. Wanted my mom(grandma) to come and call Wei just came back. It hurts to sit on my ass.Ask the respiratory department."
“脚肿是每天坐得多，打针⽌吐的，喉咙有痰。拿个枕头给我，那个粉⾊未装，我想解决吃饭的问题，今天吃饭感觉喉咙不舒服，吞不下”
"Swollen feet are from sitting a lot every day, shots to stop vomiting, phlegm in throat. Bring me a pillow, the pink unloaded one, I want to fix my eating problem, today's meal felt uncomfortable in my throat, couldn't swallow"
“Help me...go to the doctor to beg help”
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© Mingyi wei